of babes

I am struggling with something. It is making me miserable. But it's okay because I am on the edge and about ready to jump in....
In the beginning of the year I had talked about wanting to add a new babe to our family. Maybe. And then God started placing it in my heart to homeschool my children. I began to think that this was my baby. A huge shift in my family. A newness....
But now I am overwhelmed with a sense of want for more children. My body doesn't feel quite ready but I almost feel an urgency to give this over to God and let myself be whatever He chooses.
I feel like it is going to be one of those steps that I don't see the fullness of until I am there. I am feeling a push in my spirit though. I am reminded over again of what I have always desired- that being many children. I have searched out what God thinks about this. I believe children are a blessing, not something we are entitled to. I believe that when we trust God, he provides all our needs. I do not believe in common birth control and I am tipping even farther on that scale. I won't go into the rest of this all but I am feeling God saying.... Trust in me Tara and your joy will be full.
My human mind has twenty good reasons to keep on as I am. My spiritual mind has ten better ones to change this way. My culture is in defiance of both of these. I am not fearful in this moment but I can feel the joy rising up. I don't know how to make this change happen or when, but the more I argue with myself, the more I hear God's truth. I believe it. All of it.