uneasy

Yesterday I felt fine all day. A bad taste in my mouth before bed and this morn are all the holding on that I have. I am a little nervous about whether or not I will carry this baby. If I feel fine, I am usually miscarrying. The kind where there is no sign until an ultrasound can tell you if the little heart is still beating. I hate the wait of the first trimester. (But I also don't wait in silence as any baby is a joy, however long they stay.) I don't like the anticipation of an ultrasound. I am not sure if I should wait but I am not ready for the hard part if that may be. I am hoping that the Diclectin was just working unusually well. I am hoping that I feel sick today or I will have to force myself to go to the hospital at some point this next week. Waiting too long can cause problems and I have A rhesus negative blood as well, which can start fighting in my body if there is any blood mixing. Why must my pregnancies always be bittersweet? Anyways, God is in control and I trust him. I just hate the wait. I hope I can keep this babe. I don't want to start over again. I always wanted more babes. I have such a struggle since this part is so hard. It is not time to be concerned yet.... just time to pray and wait a bit. 

The worst for the best.

The worst thing about having the baby flu is....
- that the garbage doesn't get changed, the laundry doesn't get folded, and the dishes don't get done.
When these things don't get done it upsets the balance of all things and causes a tidal wave affect.
So to all not pregnant family members:
Remember to clear your plate off the table, and scrape it. Please wipe the table down before everything turns to glue. Do not throw cereal on the floor and if you drop it, pick it up and throw it in the garbage. Empty that said garbage when it is full- it will only get fuller, it does not decompose that fast. If you are looking for pants or socks or anything else in the laundry basket that just can't seem to get folded fast enough, please pick up all the clothes that you have scattered all over the floor so that it can be deciphered which is clean or dirty. Most of all, remember that your mom is not just resting, she is feeling like she has the puke flu and still has to function, eat, and clean, regardless. Step it up a notch and help out. If you wonder why she is grouchy, it is because she is watching you destroy the house while building up enough stamina to cook dinner.

bump

I was just thinking that this blog was done. I had nothing more to say on an ongoing story of childbearing. I was thinking of closing it down and maybe starting a different kind of blog. (And I do have a homeschool blog: www.bendingandgrowing.blogspot.ca.)
.... But the story isn't quite finished. Thanks to some pre-answered prayers, some stomach pains have brought forth a pregnancy. Yes!! So here it is. This is my announcement and a request for some different kind of prayers- for health and peace that results in joy. Haha.
I have the baby flu and am so thankful for that. I am not usually very thankful for crappy circumstances but being sick means that a baby is growing and I will be grateful for that big time. I am always grateful for that. Thanks God.

prayer request

I am having the worst stomach cramps. Please pray for me. I feel it in my lower left pelvis and across, like it is cramping in my uterus and then my actual stomach muscles start tensing. It is very unpleasant. I want healing from all this torture. I know this is possible through Jesus. I have been trying in my own strength to find the answers and have another doctor's appointment at the end of this month, but I want more. I want healing, completely. I think this requires healing of my mind, spirit, and strength. Peace and patience are required of me.... and trust, complete trust. LORD, come.