uneasy

Yesterday I felt fine all day. A bad taste in my mouth before bed and this morn are all the holding on that I have. I am a little nervous about whether or not I will carry this baby. If I feel fine, I am usually miscarrying. The kind where there is no sign until an ultrasound can tell you if the little heart is still beating. I hate the wait of the first trimester. (But I also don't wait in silence as any baby is a joy, however long they stay.) I don't like the anticipation of an ultrasound. I am not sure if I should wait but I am not ready for the hard part if that may be. I am hoping that the Diclectin was just working unusually well. I am hoping that I feel sick today or I will have to force myself to go to the hospital at some point this next week. Waiting too long can cause problems and I have A rhesus negative blood as well, which can start fighting in my body if there is any blood mixing. Why must my pregnancies always be bittersweet? Anyways, God is in control and I trust him. I just hate the wait. I hope I can keep this babe. I don't want to start over again. I always wanted more babes. I have such a struggle since this part is so hard. It is not time to be concerned yet.... just time to pray and wait a bit.