Monday, February 25, 2013

Abby

Abigail. A peacemaker.
The story: Her husband was selfish. A stranger looked out for him. He repayed good for evil. He didn't give a crap who helped him out. He didn't owe them anything. Sound familiar? Selfish.
But Abigail was a peacemaker. She tried to fix things. She ran ahead to smooth things out. To make things easier. Sound familiar?
And then she waited. She knew there was a right time to tell her husband all of what she knew, in order to keep his anger from coming. She was wise. She did what was right regardless. She won favor. She calmed the backlash. Peacemaker.
And she was saved. And so was the enemy that wasn't really an enemy to begin with. And her husband was saved.... but then he reaped his evil on his own head, and it killed him. The end. Well, for him.
She went on to be protected by the stranger. A king. King David. And she was cared for by the King. And she was cared for by The King. The real end.

Sunday, February 24, 2013

Thought two.

Conclusion: My pain is stealing my joy. I cannot see any of it, as a cloud of despair surrounds my head. I was told to study Abigail, so off I go....

Kicked in the heart.

It is not a good day. I backtrack my words because they are too weary. Not for me, normal for me, but scary for you. I am chronically sad. I don't see a way out. I know my protector, redeemer, God but He is just and I am afraid I am going to be drug through the mud for awhile longer. Maybe forever. These are my consequences. Can't go back. I have lost so much. I feel like I am living my life like it is through glass, watching people I love but there is no sound. I am on the outside.

Saturday, February 16, 2013

Roller Coaster

The last few weeks have been a roller coaster. We had to move out of our own home and into the Grand's. Haha, It was not grand. The plumbing broke there too, if you can even believe it!! With lots of prayer and impatiently waiting, we have a new pipe, replacing a broken one in our septic system. I am not sure where we are at now. I am a little confused and irritated. We had thoughts of trading up to a bigger house which would be a trade-off from our lovely property. It would be a shame to lose this great yard. Now it looks as if that house is sold and so I thought this was an answer; time to settle back home. I am still unsettled though. Maybe it's the aftershock of this stressful two weeks. Or was it three weeks? I like this charming little place but I am wondering if it is really fixed and functional. There is work to do to fix it up but that is always the case wherever you wind up. I just want to bust out some walls and put in new windows and such. There is no money for that. Not that I worry about that. That other bigger house needed work too but to sell would mean paying off debts, but only if we could sell high. I need a handyman for hire. Function is the word of the month and we better find it so I can rest. At least summer is coming and that means we can live outside more, be warm inside, and open those old windows. I am grateful to be home and I hope we are done making decisions but I am really not sure about that. I need someone to take charge, calm my fears, and make a plan. I need some comfort. Just when I find it, it is stolen. I need that to stop too. I don't know how on earth that is going to happen. *Sigh.

Sunday, February 3, 2013

A Northern Chat.

I see that everyone is going through it right now. "It" is not fun. What makes all the difference is going through it together. I am good as long as I have fellowship. I am fine when I can talk it out and reason some normality. A good friend can make a heart happy, and a happy heart makes it better. A little joy is like medicine. Nothing might actually change but to be heard is huge. To be understood, essential.
Life is changing. When I think about the fact that I have been praying, and now it has gotten worse, I have hope. I know that could mean that the change is coming. Uprooting is not fun but it is necessary for change. It might look all physical over here at the leaky farmhouse, but I know better. I know Jesus.