Thursday, September 26, 2013

Time.

Yesterday was Wednesday. Wednesday is turn over day in my pregnancy. That means I hit 35 weeks. I have felt ahead this pregnancy and so I have been pushing the counting a bit too. We went to the library yesterday and as I got out of the van, I realized it was Wednesday and it hit me... I am going on to the four countdown!! As in, today I am now 4.6 weeks away from being due to have this baby. Ahhh. I had a nap in the afternoon and woke up shaking a bit. I really hope that I can curb the anxiety. My body is now showing signs of getting ready to deliver. It is weird that when I was due with my first babe, I was excited and a little apprehensive of course. With all preceding children, it is a shaky nervousness. I always can remember the feeling of the baby crowning which is a spot of relief for me but the thought of waking up in a puddle of water and then it being game on makes me overwhelmed. I may still have four to five weeks left. I don't think so though. And this baby has not turned yet and is breech, so add on that thought to the unexpected. I like that all of my labors have been basically the same so that I know what to expect. Now there are numerous scenarios that I just have to wait for. I trust that my God began this and will finish it well. I am still freaking over the thought of labor. It is always worth it. I can't wait to meet this new child of mine. I am still freaking out. Four weeks! 

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Admonish

Christianity has such a catch to it. God is so much wiser than we can understand and our brains can hurt trying to put meld everything He said in to something simple. It is complex. It is case by case. We are all striving for the same end but we all struggle in parts of that. The catch is this. Do we let each other struggle or do we hold each other to the means of that end? This is where a word comes in, an instruction:
Admonish....


ad·mon·ish  (d-mnsh)
tr.v. ad·mon·ished, ad·mon·ish·ing, ad·mon·ish·es
1. To reprove gently but earnestly.
2. To counsel (another) against something to be avoided; caution.
3. To remind of something forgotten or disregarded, as an obligation or a responsibility.
 Admonish is one of my favorite thoughts about how we are to be. I have it on a painting along with other words of how I will raise my kids... teach, encourage, train up, admonish.....
I love how it explains grace and action in a word. We so often forget that God's word teaches us to correct and rebuke each other so that we don't fall in to a death trap. We as people find it hard to grasp how we could do such a thing and still have grace. We only see it in the negative and as painful. It may even seem painful, but it is loving. We correct our children because we love them, but what of us that are all adults? Is our learning done? Not at all. And the teacher is the Word of God. No man can boast it is him or her. And I am not talking about correcting every man that walks by and being the sin patrol. I am talking about close brothers and sisters, family, best friends. We want the best for them, or at least we should. If we forget and think that we are judging them if we mention anything confrontational, then how will anyone grow. God uses us to lift each other up. Admonishing shows us how to do that; gently but earnestly. That is not a judgement in the sense of condemning anyone. That is saying remember what God's word says.... and offering counsel in a loving and graceful way. And then that grace that covers will not leave any shame. We don't hold things over each others heads. 
And I think if we stay silent there is risk of another scenario. Of judgement that feels like condemnation. That we will begin to see each other sliding and then question each others faith. We will see action upon action that is hypocritical to the word of God and then we will question who one really is, or where they stand. We will assume that they aren't a Christian because their actions don't match up to this end that we should strive for. We will look for good fruit but be unsure if there is enough.
So there is the catch it seems. Grace is always there, but then what do we do with it?
 Colossians 3:16
Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts.
 Colossians 1:28
He is the one we proclaim, admonishing and teaching everyone with all wisdom, so that we may present everyone fully mature in Christ.

Monday, September 23, 2013

A story from the archives of my self.

Jesus has pulled me out of so much. I am still a "sinner" everyday. I am also an heir to the thrown. Why? Because I chose Him back. I choose Him back everyday. I take His word in all it's entirety. He met me in my sin and he continues to do so. But He expects action. Right? I mean I can do nothing and he still loves me and He still gives me grace that I don't deserve but I don't want to mock Him by taking lightly things that He died to save me from. I don't think it too funny. And when I look back at anything I ever took lightly and when I used His words twisted, I am sad. I am sad because I ignored the warnings of the few that loved me with truth. And, now I sit sit in one of my consequences everyday. Everyday.
How did I come to take things lightly? I was depressed. I was angry at a few blows dealt out to me just because I am human and live in a human world. And then there were a few believers that were taking their faith lightly, were not listening to the word. They wanted to help me out. To get me out. I didn't even want to go. I wanted to be elsewhere and things to be different, but they weren't. So I let them drag me to a place where I didn't have to deal with anything and where there was no judgement about it. It was nice to not care. It was nice to not fight against the battle going on inside of me. There is no war when you take away the enemy. When you join his camp or at least sit there awhile. I never left my God. I always held on. I managed to move myself to a place where I thought I could be pulled out. No one can pull themselves out. And this plan was a place and people, and people aren't very strong. But God had a plan. He pulled me out Himself. But not without consequence first. Like I said, I deal with that everyday. There is no shame. There is no condemnation. People can say, "You know who that is and what she's done?"
And Jesus says, "Yes, I know and she's mine." Jesus loves sinners. I am one. He meets them with truth and woos them to change. He gives choices but not without instruction. His Word is clear. There is not one word without meaning and purpose. All scripture is God breathed....
I don't want to go back to that place. I don't want to forget it. There are reminders sometimes. And I want to be like those who loved me with truth, even though I didn't listen to them myself. I don't want to be like the crew of acceptance who walked me through the enemy's camp pridefully thinking that they are stronger in amongst it all. I fell down and one went on her way tripping a bit and one fell down on the other side of me. That is not good odds.
Anyways, I just came here to write some scriptures and ask some questions, but I guess there was more. Here are the scriptures:

Colossians 3:1-17

New International Version (NIV)

Living as Those Made Alive in Christ

Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your[a] life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.
Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming.[b] You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices 10 and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. 11 Here there is no Gentile or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all.
12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
 15 Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. 16 Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. 17 And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.


Ephesians 5:1-21

New International Version (NIV)
Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.
But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving. For of this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person—such a person is an idolater—has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.[a] Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of such things God’s wrath comes on those who are disobedient. Therefore do not be partners with them.
For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) 10 and find out what pleases the Lord. 11 Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. 12 It is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. 13 But everything exposed by the light becomes visible—and everything that is illuminated becomes a light. 14 This is why it is said:
“Wake up, sleeper,
    rise from the dead,
    and Christ will shine on you.”
15 Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, 16 making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. 17 Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is. 18 Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit, 19 speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, 20 always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.


Saturday, September 21, 2013

Trying to settle a disturbed self.

I am disappointed. I am irked. I am even grieved. I feel that in my life there has been some great growth (even though there are still struggles of course). I can see it. It is tangible. But this morn I am sad as there are some that seem to be walking backwards. I want to be connected with them. I want to be friends with them, but I don't condone their behavior. I don't want that behavior to become a norm for me and okay to be surrounded by. Words of grace come up, and there is grace, but what does that mean. There is also truth and uprightness to consider. I am no better than anyone else but I want to strive for things that are pure, lovely, admirable, holy.... not sit in the cultural norm and be apathetic. When I think of grace, I think of forgiveness. I think of encouraging each other out of our struggles and sins, and into peace and joy by acting on truths that we find. I don't think that grace means accepting each others sins as okay and looking the other way, letting each person struggle on their own until they can find a way out themselves. I know that Jesus associated with prostitutes, drunkards, and people of horrible character, but he changed them. He offered grace to the woman at the well and the woman caught in adultery, but then he offered truth. He told them to go and sin no more. He offered it to a rich man too but it was too much for that man. Jesus didn't say well it's all okay then, come around when you feel like it.... he moved on. There is always a choice to make. There is grace but truth is tied into it. There is no grace for evil, there is only grace for people.
I was reminded this week of a time when someone close to me was offered counseling before considering divorce. She was not a Christian and the counselor was and so their views were very different. I had thought that she shouldn't be held to what he said because she didn't believe that way. I remember when I realized that I was wrong about that too. I know that she did not understand a viewpoint backed up by the truth of God's word, but that didn't mean that she wasn't accountable to it. If I believe that there is one true God and that everyone is judged by Him in the end, then everyone is accountable to those same rules whether they choose to believe or go on their way. I think at that point of realization, I started to give any advice in a different way. I will always now give a truthful word, no matter the background. It sometimes gives people a second look because that means it is not always the popular opinion. I seem to not be in the normal popular opinion often now. And that doesn't mean that I waste my words but if asked about something important, I will try and not make an emotional response but reflect a second on the bigger picture and give a biblical response. I am not quoting scriptures at anyone either- they may not know that the opinion is based on biblical concepts, but I know my God is bigger than what we can see. He is not biased, and He is fair. He is loving but there is also consequence of choosing sin. 
Anyways, I am not trying to declare that I am better than anyone but I read about staying away from certain things and striving for certain things, and there is no in between for me. You either believe it or you don't, but you have to decide which- it can't be both. You can give grace and love to every person but I really don't think that means you accept every action as okay. Some things are just not okay.
I hope writing this out settles some things in my mind today because I am disappointed. Big time. I want to hold on to people but I don't want that to keep me stuck, or pull me back to a place unwanted. *Sigh. There will definitely be prayer about this in the next few days. 

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Prayer works.

Prayer works. God answers. I am feeling pain and pressure as I come to the last bit of my pregnancy, but I am also feeling joy. I know that people have been praying for me and my family this week- I can feel it. My internal struggle at this point is always huge as I think about how it will all go down at the end, as well as the progression of more children, if any. It might be strange that I think about more children when the one that is coming hasn't even been born yet, but it is a struggle in my mind as I trust God but am feeling tortured in body daily. It is always worth it though. The prize at the end brings unending blessings.
We are in our second year of homeschooling and I love it. It is fulfilling to know what your kids are being taught and see how they are growing and developing. We got a head start in order to accommodate the baby coming and are all settled into a routine now.
We are also starting a new bible study with our new church this week. I am excited to see what learning and growing will come of this too. I am needing something to dig into myself. I am grateful for this church every week, even after driving into town to attend, as the bible is taught word for word, in order and in full.
Anyways, that is my life right now.... rib stretching babe, homeschooling morns, and truth seeking Sundays.