Monday, October 12, 2015


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Wednesday, April 22, 2015

A quiet day.

I am well. Nothing has changed but things are changing. It is in this pain that my God has brought blessing once again. In the midst of healing there is joy. After the digging out, there is renewal of the understanding of grace. To be redeemed, is to be shown love. My God is unfathomably amazing. I am doing it all wrong and weird, and just for the cause of not giving in to being stuck. Standing in mud.
If I stand in the wind all the muddiness that is caked on will begin to fall off. I have found a place to stand in the wind. There is so much more to come....

Monday, April 20, 2015

paintings and scriptures

I have been feeling better lately. Hope is returning even though no concrete changes are being made, no frustrations settled completely. Church has been a place of restoration and much reflective healing. Is it weird to go to one church to get healing from another and perspective of what to do about it? I guess not in the bigger scheme, but it messes with the human one. So now, do I begin to speak? Is it wise to encourage hearts that are stuck hard, without having current relationship? Or do I stay clear for the sake of self preservation? I don't want to speak if it is time to move over, even if it doesn't seem likely that that can happen yet. I also don't want to talk about it anymore if there is no ambition for change, no hope for improvement, no reason to speak.
This week I had a picture for me and a challenge from the Pastor (and James). The picture brought a reminder of hope, and spoke of God's loving-kindness. The challenge, thoughts of action and parts to play. Do I let bravery reside again here? This sticking point is strange. I don't want to miss the boat. I also don't want to join a mundane reality. I really don't want to say one word.... but should I? Am I supposed to?

Thursday, April 16, 2015

a second to write

I want to learn to paint more. I have beautiful, metaphorical pictures in my mind that I would like to paint.
I like to quilt. I have ambitions to quilt for all of my kids and onward. I have a quilt and a bit to go.
I love to write. Writing is cathartic and I would like to write a book or two eventually. I have ideas stored away.

I want to investigate some counselling courses. I would like a career that helps people. My post-natal therapist inspired me and got me thinking. What one has been through, God can use for good.
I like to host tea. Getting together with friends makes life good and is essential for mamma health.
I love deep conversation. Small talk makes me uneasy.

I want to learn to cope better with noise and have patience. I need more quiet in my life, but that doesn't always happen with a houseful.
I like to take initiative when teaching my kids, homeschool and otherwise. Taking time to re-evaluate what is important, matters to me. There is nothing better than watching your kids grow well.
I love when we explore and learn together. Learning is never done.

I want to be involved with a ministry. Purposeful life brings hope.
I like to meet for bible study. If I invite you, it is because this is really my favorite thing to do. Scripture never disappoints.
I love growing in servanthood and perspective. I really love my God. I don't want to be stagnant, ever, it gets bad from there.

I want to adopt at some point, not quite yet. Aboriginal and close by, maybe siblings....
I like being a mother and encouraging other mothers. I have experienced saddening loss, and have experienced great hope through the birth of my children. They are the best gifts.
I love babies. The birth of babies make me cry joy tears.

..... It is Thankful Thursday. These thoughts make me thankful for the trials, gifts, family, plans, and hopes of what is yet to come. Count your blessings up and don't forget them. Share them with your children. Remind yourself of who God is and what He has done.

Monday, April 13, 2015

I've Got a Little Army

New Question:
How can we help equip you to use your gifts?
I am resetting. This question would be a great way to restructure. Start from the giver and move forward into servanthood. I don't want to be served. I want to grow, but I want to be where the people are. I want to be where I can help. And, I want to do it with somebody. I am tired of being alone really. I am tired of being shoved in a corner until my kids grow up. I have been raising these kids for ten years. I want to train them to love and serve through them seeing me be able and willing to do so. I am not complaining here. I have many ideas and ambitions, but one does get worn out without any venue to move....
I am a stepper. I don't like to wait to have it all together. I relish in the thought that I can start walking and my God can meet me half way. That is where faith is built.
I am also an encourager. With encouragement comes admonishment too. When something is on my heart, I do not have the ability to remain silent. Or rather I could, but I feel like I am doing something wrong even. I appreciate resolve. The catch is that I will not say anything unless a person knows my heart. Unless they know me. You can not speak into someone's life if you don't share it. Ah, there is another good thought right there, to ponder for a moment. It goes back to the alone thing....
So, I am only having fellowship, and encouragement in the places where my close friends are, and they are not where I am, or at the church that I am trying to be a part of. I do not wish to stay secluded to my best of friends only. I want to interact and be changed by a whole body of believers. (PS-Even the ones that are not like me or who rub me the wrong way.)
How can I change things so that I am rubbing shoulders with my church? I can't, but God can.  For now it looks to me like I am being asked to stand still.....
To rest.   

Sunday, April 12, 2015

Thy Will Be Done

Tonight my heart is a little bit happier. I am sitting bundled up in a comfortable silence, and reading beautiful things. This week I have simplified life enough to gain some perspective. It is in this quiet that wisdom speaks into the air. When there is too much noise I cannot find my bearings. I need to find my bearings again. I want to be the peacemaker. I long to be the one who is looking for opportunity to speak grace into someone's heart. I need to return to the person who sees struggle and finds ways to lift up. I want to be more than just a mother so that my children have such a strong example of servanthood and grace. I want them to find their comfort in truth and loving kindness inter-twined. And, I want that always for myself as well. And so, I am regrouping and pausing because I know that God has a better plan.