A quiet day.

I am well. Nothing has changed but things are changing. It is in this pain that my God has brought blessing once again. In the midst of healing there is joy. After the digging out, there is renewal of the understanding of grace. To be redeemed, is to be shown love. My God is unfathomably amazing. I am doing it all wrong and weird, and just for the cause of not giving in to being stuck. Standing in mud.
If I stand in the wind all the muddiness that is caked on will begin to fall off. I have found a place to stand in the wind. There is so much more to come....

a second to write

I want to learn to paint more. I have beautiful, metaphorical pictures in my mind that I would like to paint.
I like to quilt. I have ambitions to quilt for all of my kids and onward. I have a quilt and a bit to go.
I love to write. Writing is cathartic and I would like to write a book or two eventually. I have ideas stored away.

I want to investigate some counselling courses. I would like a career that helps people. My post-natal therapist inspired me and got me thinking. What one has been through, God can use for good.
I like to host tea. Getting together with friends makes life good and is essential for mamma health.
I love deep conversation. Small talk makes me uneasy.

I want to learn to cope better with noise and have patience. I need more quiet in my life, but that doesn't always happen with a houseful.
I like to take initiative when teaching my kids, homeschool and otherwise. Taking time to re-evaluate what is important, matters to me. There is nothing better than watching your kids grow well.
I love when we explore and learn together. Learning is never done.

I want to be involved with a ministry. Purposeful life brings hope.
I like to meet for bible study. If I invite you, it is because this is really my favorite thing to do. Scripture never disappoints.
I love growing in servanthood and perspective. I really love my God. I don't want to be stagnant, ever, it gets bad from there.

I want to adopt at some point, not quite yet. Aboriginal and close by, maybe siblings....
I like being a mother and encouraging other mothers. I have experienced saddening loss, and have experienced great hope through the birth of my children. They are the best gifts.
I love babies. The birth of babies make me cry joy tears.

..... It is Thankful Thursday. These thoughts make me thankful for the trials, gifts, family, plans, and hopes of what is yet to come. Count your blessings up and don't forget them. Share them with your children. Remind yourself of who God is and what He has done.

stirring up

If church is the small talk of conversation, then home-groups are the deep. A church community is so vital. I have missed this, but found it again recently. When I was young, I remember tons of this. The places where I longed to be with the adults listening in on their conversations about God and life. I came home joy-filled this Sunday, after a potluck and fellowship. With just two of my kids, I stayed late- past the bigger crowd, and enjoyed some deeper conversation. And, the best.... amidst the conversation was the Word of God. I am blessed. Four kids. A church community. A good husband. A Father and Lord who chose me first and is involved in the details of my life. Phew. Blessed. I often feel sad, and far, overwhelmed.... but these moments, they renew my soul.

Hebrews 10:19-25 (English Standard Version)

English Standard Version (ESV)

¹⁹ Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the holy places by the blood of Jesus, ²⁰ by the new and living way that he opened for us through the curtain, that is, through his flesh, ²¹ and since we have a great priest over the house of God, ²² let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. ²³ Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. ²⁴ And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, ²⁵ not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.

I should really be sleeping.

Tonight I got a chance to share a good word with an old friend. I am hopeful for her. I also searched for our homeschool curriculum and made a little boy a piece of toast. Before all this, I listened to that good word for myself, and talked with a best now friend. A few hard days are just behind me, but life is made okay when there is a little light shone on the good hanging around. It's 12:23am on a Thankful Thursday so I might as well start my list. I am thankful for....
1. Talk of a soon-to-be-born baby to a sweet old friend. 
2. A good word from a new resource. (A free app from Mars Hill Church- so far so good).  
3. Looking forward to Sarah's thankfulnesses..... I really do. They are simply picturesque.
4. My kindred spirit friend, who I can pray with, share with, and make play dates with. 
5. An upcoming yearly trip with kindred spirit friend. 
6. For BC having the best funding for homeschoolers.
7. For a series on the apostles from a knowledgeable Pastor.
8. For an organized email from our new teaching mentor, which encourages me that all things are well.
9. For four gorgeous, healthy, strong children. When I look at them, I can't believe I am blessed with four children.
10. For change and for my husband who I grow with yearly. (Married 8 years next month).

He works all thing for the good of those....

As I struggle lately, I see all sorts of pieces. As I try to fit together God's plan in my human mind, I see bits of thread. I see where He's brought me, in one place. I see Him leading my children, gathering them up in the now. Big theological questions come from a little man body, talks of baptism, a Kid's Church lesson that has led to daily prayers- unguided, self-initiated prayers. And this morn, with my daughter, talks of decision. Faith in itself has been growing. And that first kindle of faith is where we start to believe. This is big. All these things are fruit. As long as there is fruit I can be okay.
I have been thinking of all prayers. Of lunch time prayers. I don't like meaningless speech. I don't like prayers that are fake and so I often wonder at the significance. Or maybe of where I can find significance- meaning for my heart. Of course, we are thankful for provision, but why in this way? I have been reading a book of thanks, of a mom that seeks out grace-joy-thankfulness. Is it not to forget- this custom that we do daily? I think a thought of the beginning. Does this go all the way back to when the Israelites had to trust God for their meal, for the manna? The "what is it?" And then they gave thanks, and carried on giving thanks. To never forget that the provision was given by God Himself. And why do we think that just because we can go get our provisions at want, that it still does not come from God Himself? This has meaning to me. This I can give thanks for- to remember, to practice, to never let our children forget- to teach them, to teach ourselves, that all this is from God's hand. From His very hand.
And as of late, I have had another thought. Of prayers unspoken. Of prayers that I never asked for, but needed regardless. Of a God who sees me and knows me, and knows better than I know myself. I see my husband who is a gentle man- a man who loves his children and treasures them, and does not easily anger. A man who frustrates me to no end with his inability to see the urgency in any given situation. But then, where is the urgency? Is that just me. In all this, God has given me a huge gift. A gentle man- father-husband. And, I am thankful. And, this is fruit. Fruit of a thread woven in by God.

Gratefulness

It is Thankful Thursday. I went on a thankful scavenger hunt. Here are some pics and a few of my thoughts:

 

I am thankful for all of these studies. They have changed my heart from the inside out, and grown my knowledge of a loving God. The times spent in these have grown friendships and faith. 

 

I am thankful from this old, stinky, bedside table/dresser that I acquired from my mother. It holds my new book and an old book. 

 

I am thankful for my morning hot cup of drink. This one is my fave- it is more like a cup and a half, and came from a best friend years ago. 

 

I am thankful for my desk. Here I plan for school. Lately I have been typing my thoughts in this spot also. 

 

I am so genuinely thankful for this little blessing that always greets me with this big smile after his nap. He is my happy little boy, always laughing.  

 

I am thankful for this built in cupboard that holds our homeschooling books. It allows us to do school in the main part of our house and I can keep up with baby, meal preparation, and all mom-duties. 

 

I am thankful for my old dog. He keeps on the look-out while my kids play outside and is calm in his old age. 

 

I am thankful for rubber boots. These boots mean that spring is here and my kids can get out more in the fresh air. 

 

I am thankful for Gem's new bed that is actually my Great-Grandma's old antique bed- complete with my old comforter and a stash of dollies in the corner. 

 

I am thankful for all things boy.... a collection of Lego, bullets, rocks, and cars. This stash on my son's dresser reminds me of childlike wonder and joy in the small stuff.