at this point

I feel like I look fake, but I am not. I am just flailing a little. I feel like I sound like I have an attitude, but I don't. I am just sad in the far corner of somewhere and that comes out angry. I am at the next point. Not a big deep jump. I woke up somewhere with people all around me and wondered, how did I get here.
I was looking at things that should feel horrible...and they didn't. They finally feel horrible. Some bad choices. Some real coping. I am glad that my mind is matching my emotions. Reality sucks a little though. How did I get here.....
I am ready for the next. I am unsettled with big decisions. Some that I have no control over...some are all too heavy on my shoulders. When this passes, it will all be relief. I am ready for it though...if I could just get up. I need a little boost here.