Antisocial.

My heart is on pause.
I don't want to pursue friendships right now. I am waiting for my new home. I have so much on my mind. Between that and the beautiful sun staying out late, I am avoiding early bedtime. I am tired. I am disappointed in relationships too. So I am avoiding. I am avoiding functions... avoiding doctor's appointments...avoiding. I just want to stay home and rest. I wish the kids would let me rest. They are social creatures as well. I am having too many anxiety attacks. They feel beyond anxiety. Sometimes I wait for my heart to stop beating. It feels like it might. Sometimes it is good. I feel like it is such an easy fix. Some good times. Some big hugs. But those times and hugs aren't coming. I wish I could make some understand what tears a person down and what builds them up. Look at yourself. What does it for you? I just need some kindness, thoughtfulness, unselfishness.... I don't want to feel devastated from things going on around me. I feel like I might yell at someone out of disbelief of how they are acting. Maybe I am just down. Overloaded of life. I am not sure. I will just stay home.