a dream, a glimpse, a pirate party

Sometimes I get scared that I won't be able to pull myself out. Sometimes it isn't a matter of climbing out, rather holding on. This too shall pass. I love when God stirs my soul and even though I don't know how a change is coming, I can feel it coming. It is so hard when you are in the middle of it all, to see the path turning. I often find myself getting a little excited when I see a friend that has been struggling and is now at a desperately hard turn. I know that this usually means that something is going to finally change and it will be good because God answers prayer. Those who seek him out will find him. It is hard to remember this when you are the one distressed. It is hard to seek when you are exhausted and battling at every turn.
I know I am probably repeating myself but I have to say all this and that I love fall. It is my favorite season. It always brings good change and stability. I love sweaters and jeans, and warm blankets. I love being surrounded by bests. I love the programs that entertain and bring fellowship for both myself and my children. I am start to feel ambition returning and maybe, just maybe, some rest.
I have been feeling lately that I am out of place. I have been watching the people around me and feeling disconnected. I know I was hiding out this summer, too exhausted to give anything. I am remembering that if I am feeling this way about most everything, then it is time to start reaching out of myself. A giving, encouraging, and friendly spirit always brings more happiness. When I start to call, to say hi, to remember needs, and to push past my depression, I start to feel better. Unforgiveness and bitterness feed depression and anxiety. I long for the way things used to be but they aren't. I can choose to be sad or I can grow relationships into something new. I can be the encourager, the peacemaker.
Oh GOD, let the fruits of your spirit come. More and more.