in remembrance

Looking back. It's been a year. A friend went home. All is settling now. (As much as I can see.)
I was looking back this morning. Much has changed. So much. God used this friend's life and death to point straight to him. I remember the last time I saw her, her eyes were dark and she looked so tired. If I only knew then what I know now, but I didn't. We didn't. But that is the only time that I remember dark eyes. Her eyes were usually shining. Her life pointed to Christ. I remember watching her in church and sometimes she was the only one, hands straight up, telling all, declaring that she knew her savior.
One day I will tell her, and I am sure she already knows, how God used her to awaken my reality. To show me how great a mother she was.... how great a mother I am. God answered the question that I had two days earlier....what if I got to the point that I thought my kids were better off without me and my messed up self. I saw clearly the lies. I saw clearly what would happen. I am so grateful. I know this was just a small wave flowing out from this tragedy and rocking my heart. It is not about me but I want to share how satan doesn't win in this.
That day and the days that followed I never heard one word of evil. I heard stories of how she touched people's lives time and again, and how God shone through her. And I saw a family grip tighter to God himself. I know she is dancing with Him and her arms aren't stretched up anymore, now they can just stretch out and embrace her savior.

And now I pray for that same blanketing that I did a year ago, to cover two girls who still have to grow. Two girls without a mother. GOD, I pray that they would always know you. I pray they would hold on to you with all of themselves and grow into confident and wise women. Protect them from lies. Encompass them with your truths. Amen.