New rooms.

I feel like I have finished mourning. In a weird way. Things are changing. I was expectant of God for some changes when I went up North and now that process is showing through. When I moved here I began to mourn terribly for MacCrea since I had never taken the time to stop and do so, and say so. I had thought the mourning for my second child lost had not been as strong since the experience wasn't as horrifying. And then last year when my dear friend was having a new babe and was thinking it was a girl, for some reason, it brought out mourning for Ariel. This past trip I felt a change taking place, like it was time to let go. Time to be done. It was something that couldn't be forced- I tried let me tell you. It was something that God was and is doing. Healing. I so want to enjoy my living children, and to not always be tired and despairing. I am ready to make changes so that I am rested, my kids feel loved, and a big one, so my husband and I have time together too. It was interesting and no coincidence that my bible study this last week talked about Ruth taking off her clothes of mourning and putting on new ones. It is time to receive blessings. It is time to be thankful for blessings. I am excited to see what new ones come our way in this next year....