Back to the grind.

Back to the grind. I am home again. It went so fast! Back to school and cooking and cleaning and refereeing. Distance brings clarity so I come home with that. I miss the North and my family friends there. I miss that the focus is family and togetherness. I miss the church that is mature and firmly planted. The church family that is rooted in just that, family. I am glad for my friends here that are close but I am almost bracing for a change that I don't want to see. I don't know where it is going. I see weeding out and giving up, and letting go, whether good or bad. I long for some stability. I don't want to sit here anymore. I want to dig in and seek truth to it's fullness. I don't want to waste away into the mundane and stop growing up. I don't want to give up myself.... to remember it is not by my works, but His, that things change for the good.
I see clarity in family too. An ability to let go more. A want to cling to my husband in friendship. To do more that isn't program but just shoulder to shoulder togetherness. I see a break in discipline regarding beliefs and that is so confusing. Do I let things go more or do I become stricter. Either way I need to remain calm and speak with love and a gentle spirit. With respect. It is always hard to step up when you are tired but being the first to plow means you are the first to see growth. Life is wide open right now in many areas. It could go either way. Prayer it will be, as always. Different issues, same faithful God.

God, bring major changes in our lives, in my family's life. Turn us to the way that is good, the way that looks upward. Let us not stumble with self help but let us look to you. Years of normal doesn't always mean truth. Weed out the useless and rotting. Bring light to truth. Open understanding to areas that are off and let them fall off of our shoulders. Show us heart issues and whys so that we may encourage each other out of our struggles and into freedom and truth. Let us be encouraged at the light that we see and bring it home. Let us not despair at the dark patches. Father God, Redeemer, turn our heels toward each other and turn our eyes upwards. Turn our hearts towards you first. Give us an attitude of humility. Let us no longer cling to the safest but let us reach for the falling and the not-like-us in our lives. Bring a family togetherness in us that extends to the influences and influential in our lives. LORD, thank you for being God. For being over us all. Don`t forget us in our sin. Heal our failings and turn our sadness into joy, even when we deserve our dark consequences. Thank you for your unfailing love. Unfailing. You are not a liar. You are trustworthy. Mahal na mahal kita.