What Families Need (in a church).

Families need:

A safe place to land. A place where there are rules and bible-based standards, and where parents know their kids are safe away from them, until they are picked up again. A place where kids feel cherished and are led by people who have compassion for them, people who know the value of the next generation. A place where there is understanding of what the bible alone says towards children and who believe it in word and actions.

A place to grow. Where all family members can use their individual gifts, whether a parent or not. There is a definite command to teach our children, but within the church we also have a calling. We need to be supported in those callings even now- not when our kids are grown. That may mean putting up with kids running around in the background. And, even kids have callings on their lives at young ages too. Let them grow together with us, and teach them.

A place where there is fellowship.Where there are people willing to host whole families for lunch or coffee dates. Where people are willing to bear with young children's noise in order to engage a conversation beyond small talk. A place where people play together, as well as pray together, and therefore have the opportunity to speak into each others lives. When there is space for the kids to be kids, we will leave with hearts filled.

A place of truth. A place where biblical principles are sought out and there is continual thirst for change at every age from birth to death. A place where there is a humble understanding that no one has ever "arrived" at perfection, and where people are able to teach each other in stages of understanding and life. Kids are not the only ones who need to be taught. Father's need mentoring. Mother's need encouragement.

A place where we are welcome. There will be no teaching if there is no babysitter.... or will there be? We need Home Groups. We need bible study and fellowship in a place where there is a bed to put the baby down and a place for kids to play together. A place where shift work and multiple children defy all odds and we can hear the word of God during the week. I am teasing here, but really, we want to be part of the whole and not just segregated into our generational or gender groups. All of us can add a little, remind someone of youth, teach someone from wisdom, extol another with words of encouragement, be shown an untarnished side of a child's thinking, be rebuked in love to a place of repentance at a wrong thinking, or draw someone into a first understanding of grace.

Overall, we need to be invited. We need to feel welcomed. We don't want to impose our children upon anyone, especially when there are stares at the child chattering that they see grandma, auntie or a friend across the room, or people randomly commenting that kids sat through church in silence way back when. We don't want to sit alone cutting up food and wiping dirty chins at church potlucks. We don't want to be told that back in the day the moms took care of Sunday School or the dads were harsher at disciplining. And I assure you, our kids are still being disciplined but we might see that differently one to the next. We don't want to be excluded from all meetings and input and ministries because right now it is seen as our job alone to raise kids. We want to hear what God thinks about children in the heart attitudes of people surrounding us. We want you to know that most of us don't show up for ours or our kids salvation at church, but to be encouraged and to have fellowship with other believers. We don't want to be left behind as everyone rushes off to restaurants, when we know to follow means a large bill and the stress of shushing kids for at least another hour. We also want you to know that we are growing and able to be part of the body- if we have babies, we are no longer babies and are ready to be ushered in to ministries and  leadership of the church. If we are not invited, who will be trained? If our kids are not invited, who will be taught up next? If people fail to see the importance of teaching up the next generation, and the next, and the next, the church will die out with them. If people continue to regard themselves as done, having put in their time, and having their own lives to live; they will live their own lives indeed, but will not share in anyone else's. There is unity in understanding each other, young or old. We do not deem to be more important. We just want you to remember us and not overlook what we also need to thrive. We want you to remember your youth and your beginnings. Who mentored you? Who spoke into your life at a young age? How old were you when you began to lead? To teach? To lead worship? To Pastor? What did you need when you had a young family? We are part of you all, not separate. Please don't forget any longer.