Someone should start a church for the melancholic. For the people who are walking through the valley of the shadow of death. The shadow of death is exhausting. I am sometimes ashamed of the church. I am never ashamed of God. In mission we go out and hang with the prostitutes, the jailed, the orphans, the poorest. We applaud the people who do...and we should. This is God' heart for the lost. But at home we stay far from the nightlife downtown, we fear the criminals, we pity the orphans, and we turn our eyes from the poor. We try to be set apart with our bodies instead of our souls. So we stay away from the hurting or barely surviving, from the coping and the oppressed. We wouldn't want to catch their demons.
I am suffering and therefore I have felt like I want to create an atmosphere where I deserve my pain....where it hasn't hit me but I have welcomed it instead. I want to be in control. This is where my whole self is at war. I want to be a wholesome person but I sometimes just want to cope and be wounded. People will know that I know God by my love. My compassion where it counts. I hope anyways.
There's a great struggle in my heart lately over this issue. I miss YWAM for the connected-ness I found there to the outside world. Here I am constantly asked to help with this or that - all services or programs to help people inside the church. Rarely do we reach out in our everyday lives. Missions trips are organized once a year or so, but what about those who are hurting down the street? I know what you mean about being ashamed of the church.
ReplyDeleteWow, you're an amazing writer, and have in incredible way of articulating your thoughts. Good post Tara.
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