fffffhhhhhhmmmm

I think that I am back on the upswing. That was harsh. My worst fears all combined. A sick babe, with night approaching, in a snow storm (with the hospital an hour away).
We were having company and they had just arrived. My poor Gem woke up after her nap, shaking and crying, and turning blue, from a high fever. But God is bigger. Our company just happened to be a woman who I trust with my children and a man who has been truck driving in snow storms for I think over forty years. I don't believe in coincidence remember. I wasn't scared in the storm and I didn't have to endure it alone, literally.
At the hospital I was not enduring the attack on my child. And it felt like an attack. Even waiting on that bed, there was a boy locked in a room at the end of the hall. He was screaming and banging on the door violently. It was sense overload. For some reason at around eight after being there for hours I felt a little bit of strength coming back. I realized that God's love for me (in Psalm 103) wasn't just for me....for my children's children. Not that I didn't know that but sometimes God unlocks scripture to our understanding when we need it most. This didn't make it much easier but it was something to cling to. And God's hope does not disappoint.
We left there with the conclusion that this sickness was just a bad virus- no reoccurring UTI and no pneumonia. This was good. Drove back through a snow storm and got home to two sleeping babes. I look back and laugh (a little), sorta want to cry still writing this. But God obviously had his hand in this.
My Gem-Bear is on the mend. My joy is returning. Here we go....*big sigh*