little wisdoms

I had coffee with an older friend this week. I have enjoyed hanging with olders since I was young. I like to soak in the wisdom of someone who has been through it already. I enjoy the quietness of the soul that knows that God is faithful in whole. I know it but I think just in part. God is wholly faithful but I am party scared to death still.
I turned thirty with excitement for getting older and wiser. I am finding it brings some new issues. I am more aware of my health. My body is aching from having five pregnancies in four years. (I have pelvic floor relapse, a diastisis, and a umbilical hernia). I am more sensitive to medicines and foods. I am more aware of people around me getting sick. 
I wish sometimes that I had taken the time to enjoy my kids and not rushed for the next one. I think I wanted to build up my family quickly in fear that I didn't know how many children I would lose or gain. Another affect of my miscarriages. It took so long to wait until four months, three months.....to get past the safe zone of pregnancy and then find out I had to start all over again. And even then, what if I lost a child. But my God is faithful and he is not punishing me for anything. I have three healthy children, besides the minor issue, and God is rebuilding my faith. I had been sideswiped by tragedy. God was still there. I don't think I even am afraid of death but of pain. I want to guard all things. I want to protect. Sometimes we have to bear pain....and sometimes our children have to bear pain. It will build character.
I will be glad when I look back as a peaceful and steady old woman. My smile wrinkles will be the deepest and my heart full of blessing.