It is new every morning. Great is thy faithfulness.

My soul is wooed this morn. That is what it feels like. My body hurts, my mind is tired, but my soul feels love. From my GOD. I am weary and grasping for some change. I can't do it within my own will. God has moved into first place where he should always be. I accidentally put my kids first for awhile. I grew up with two loves; a hope for a family/a husband and children, and my God. Because of the way everything does not go according to our plans, my focus was on the first. I was stuck in fixing it. I am stuck in fixing it. I need to be stuck on letting that fall away and walking in God.
And I think I will never be truly happy until I am living in his calling for me. I used to be in a place where I had no want for a home or any things. I just wanted enough to get by, enough that I could pack up and go at a moments notice. I wanted and was serving God in missions. There was unresolved pain in my life though. Unforgiveness. Misunderstanding. Then my kids came and I longed for security- seeing it only in a closed in home with enough money. Where did that thinking come from but through fear? I see my friends who are living with their four kids in a place less than secure, and they are serving. They are living for their souls, not their bodies. I long for that again. And I already know that feeling of being encompassed and surrounded by God's spirit as you walk in his purpose.
Now I feel stuck a bit. Maybe a lot. My house is divided. But God knows His plans for me. Plans for good and not harm. To give me (and my family) a future and a hope....
GOD, bring my whole family out of ourselves. Build us into a whole family secure in you. Mahal na mahal.