Motherhood

I have always wanted to be a mother. Just a mother. Maybe there were hints at other things, but those things were just to fill time until I could fill my days with children. I was never trained for motherhood. I dreamed and imagined, planned. But, I never trained. I am not a good cook, or rather I think I could be but I don't enjoy cooking. I like to sew, but mostly quilts. I have taken on homeschooling, and I did take a year of college back in the day that surrounded linguistics- maybe that helps. I have never learned to nurture fully, cook grandly, clean constantly, bake, sew, plant and tend a garden, or the logistics of the best way to discipline. I am glad however that God is in this motherhood business and has put in me, in us, an innate sense of how to care for our children, but even so I mess up continually.
This stream of thought has led me to thinking about other dreams. I am in mine fully now. I have more to make and plan (although I have learned through experience and self-inflicted disappointment, that God is the best planner really). In life I have begun to take initiative, to search, to take hold of my own learning and training. I no longer want to leave things to lovely thoughts, but want to search out what is needed to get to those places. I am ready to work hard.... at least I want to be ready.... I will try to be ready and not get weary of heart. And the training may be book knowledge, but the searching will be of God- for God in it all. Dreams, my dreams, come to fulfillment when they are lined up with God's plans. I just want to kick myself in the head to change things that I can't plan out-rightly. I want control of what I want everything to look like, but it never goes that way, and I am a slave to engraved habits and legacies. But again, God is also in the business of changing heart-ways, and heart-ways lead to action. The heart begins the rest. And, what is a dream, but a heart longing.... a silent prayer, beginning within- in a place where only God resides and interacts with us. That is a good place to start.