I am losing it. I am wondering if I am going to need some medication soon. It has been really bad. I really don't want to. And yes I haven't been getting much good sleep and no I haven't been getting out of the house alone either. I can know how to make life a bit better but planning it out is a nightmare. I would rather stay home and pray for bedtime to come quickly. This is making my filter broken again. I have been sick but not really sick, just lingering on sick. I have to keep convincing myself that I am not dying. I can't breathe and I can't tell if it is from the anxiety or from a secret life taking illness. That might sound funny and insane but at moments throughout the day, I CAN'T BREATHE.
I was just getting ready to write my timeline. I couldn't really leave the bad out but I had decided to put it all in there, good and bad. How the two might have affected each other even. As soon as I see light I feel the darkness pounding down harder. I think I need some major prayer. I fear that it is not only my war, and someone else is letting in the enemy. I just need to think that good change must be coming. I can't live with these ups and downs. I get high and then fall too far. My body is aching. My mind is foggy. I need some comfort, hope, and joy.
Oh, and last week when I was at church I felt alot better....my demons must have to wait outside the door for me...
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