The second part of that thought.

These Hollywood Noah type of trends are really bothering me. I get that God can use even the smallest part of something and use it for His good and glory, but that is His business. Our business is to strive for truth. We are not perfect. We cannot be perfect, except for in Him. We will continually not be perfect. We can however reason and choose.
I have heard many views regarding these kind of movies. I don't like them myself. I find that if they are altering the Word of God, then there is too much room for deception. Is that not the greatest evil- not an outright lie, but a truth twisted until we can't recognize where the truth ends and the lie begins. Remember.... why are we not remembering? Why do I even care? I care because we are family- you and I. We are Christian brothers and sisters- something my eldest son finds highly amusing and profound- that I would be his sister in Christ. But, it is true and so I admonish you.... and I hope you admonish me when need be. Can we please just sharpen each other? How can we grow, if not together? We were not meant to grow alone.
I have even heard the opinion that people would not be angered at a book-turned-movie having some differences. But this is our history being changed. Would people not be angered if a president of good standing, of virtue, was depicted as a tortured and violent soul? The bible does present the fact that the days of Noah were violent, but that Noah was a righteous man. And so, I was up late reading Genesis 6, 7, 8, and 9.
You can read it here for the real story: http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=genesis+6%2C7%2C+8%2C+9&version=ESV

Truth is still truth, God is still God.

I believe that the bible is the infallible Word of God- that is, it is trustworthy, sure, unfailing. I believe my God is powerful. I believe Him to be all-knowing and ever-seeing. And that means to me, that He would be able to bring together a book that speaks about Him and His characteristics and His story. History.
I am dumbfounded right now that some Christians don't seem to believe this. Maybe they are confused or are being deceived slowly by some kind of influences? But, I really don't get it. If you don't believe the Word of God as truth, when it is the actual basis for your whole belief system, then won't that belief system then just implode upon itself and ultimately crumble? Our understanding and application may change, but the basis of truth is our base of truth.
Read and decide for yourself....

2 Timothy 3 (ESV) ~

Godlessness in the Last Days

3 But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. ² For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, ³ heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, ⁴ treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, ⁵ having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people. ⁶ For among them are those who creep into households and capture weak women, burdened with sins and led astray by various passions, ⁷ always learning and never able to arrive at a knowledge of the truth. ⁸ Just as Jannes and Jambres opposed Moses, so these men also oppose the truth, men corrupted in mind and disqualified regarding the faith. ⁹ But they will not get very far, for their folly will be plain to all, as was that of those two men.

All Scripture Is Breathed Out by God
¹⁰ You, however, have followed my teaching, my conduct, my aim in life, my faith, my patience, my love, my steadfastness, ¹¹ my persecutions and sufferings that happened to me at Antioch, at Iconium, and at Lystra—which persecutions I endured; yet from them all the Lord rescued me. ¹² Indeed, all who desire to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted, ¹³ while evil people and impostors will go on from bad to worse, deceiving and being deceived. ¹⁴ But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have firmly believed, knowing from whom you learned it ¹⁵ and how from childhood you have been acquainted with the sacred writings, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. ¹⁶ All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, ¹⁷ that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work.

 

Motherhood

I have always wanted to be a mother. Just a mother. Maybe there were hints at other things, but those things were just to fill time until I could fill my days with children. I was never trained for motherhood. I dreamed and imagined, planned. But, I never trained. I am not a good cook, or rather I think I could be but I don't enjoy cooking. I like to sew, but mostly quilts. I have taken on homeschooling, and I did take a year of college back in the day that surrounded linguistics- maybe that helps. I have never learned to nurture fully, cook grandly, clean constantly, bake, sew, plant and tend a garden, or the logistics of the best way to discipline. I am glad however that God is in this motherhood business and has put in me, in us, an innate sense of how to care for our children, but even so I mess up continually.
This stream of thought has led me to thinking about other dreams. I am in mine fully now. I have more to make and plan (although I have learned through experience and self-inflicted disappointment, that God is the best planner really). In life I have begun to take initiative, to search, to take hold of my own learning and training. I no longer want to leave things to lovely thoughts, but want to search out what is needed to get to those places. I am ready to work hard.... at least I want to be ready.... I will try to be ready and not get weary of heart. And the training may be book knowledge, but the searching will be of God- for God in it all. Dreams, my dreams, come to fulfillment when they are lined up with God's plans. I just want to kick myself in the head to change things that I can't plan out-rightly. I want control of what I want everything to look like, but it never goes that way, and I am a slave to engraved habits and legacies. But again, God is also in the business of changing heart-ways, and heart-ways lead to action. The heart begins the rest. And, what is a dream, but a heart longing.... a silent prayer, beginning within- in a place where only God resides and interacts with us. That is a good place to start.

I Am Yours, and You Are Mine. (Oceans by Hillsong)

I so appreciate things like this.....

Church on a knoll, life in the fields.

........... And, on a knoll, there is a church. A building with walls. A shelter, a safety. A place to gather. A place of imperfection. Where the near-sighted and far-sighted join. Where the generations rub shoulders and the next of these gather under foot. Where stories old and new are shared and the Word is forefront. A place where God moves from those bowed in heart. Where dirt is rubbed off. Where love is pressed on. Where young and where old both have position, not one greater, each with purpose. Each purpose fore chosen from God himself. Where waiting on God is common and worshipping full is sought out. A place that is a second-home, a brother's house. Where you go to fill, to fellowship, and then back into wide expanses, arms open.... to open fields.   

Breaking walls.

I would like to live in a field. Laid bare. No walls. Open to all the elements. The good showing,  the bad wasting away.
 

....golden wheat grass or lavender hills.... expansive miles that meet the sky...

...rolling hills.... open arms.... strong warm wind....

...standing open... eyes closed..... but heart raised.... no, heart bowed.....

feeling the surrounding hand of God.... behind and before.... glory shouting from all creation.... a song in the silence..... a heart song.... giving over.... letting go.... leaning into the wind..... leaning into I Am....

I would like to live in a field.

stories of redemption

I've just finished reading "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp. Such a poetic book about thankfulness and the grace surrounding it. I love the way she writes. Even more so, I love the way that God worked in her heart. I love the way He redeemed her name- Ann: Full of grace. Isn't that our God. Redeemer.
This year it seems that I am beginning to enter into a homeschool of sorts for myself. I am needing to challenge my thinking and reasoning, and just take in some new perspectives. I am glad that God doesn't expect us to be copycats. I am glad that as we seek Him, we find heart changes. I am tired. It is so hard to change things that are twined around your core of being. I am hoping for some new heart changes. I would like to seek out a firm redeeming of my name as well. 

He works all thing for the good of those....

As I struggle lately, I see all sorts of pieces. As I try to fit together God's plan in my human mind, I see bits of thread. I see where He's brought me, in one place. I see Him leading my children, gathering them up in the now. Big theological questions come from a little man body, talks of baptism, a Kid's Church lesson that has led to daily prayers- unguided, self-initiated prayers. And this morn, with my daughter, talks of decision. Faith in itself has been growing. And that first kindle of faith is where we start to believe. This is big. All these things are fruit. As long as there is fruit I can be okay.
I have been thinking of all prayers. Of lunch time prayers. I don't like meaningless speech. I don't like prayers that are fake and so I often wonder at the significance. Or maybe of where I can find significance- meaning for my heart. Of course, we are thankful for provision, but why in this way? I have been reading a book of thanks, of a mom that seeks out grace-joy-thankfulness. Is it not to forget- this custom that we do daily? I think a thought of the beginning. Does this go all the way back to when the Israelites had to trust God for their meal, for the manna? The "what is it?" And then they gave thanks, and carried on giving thanks. To never forget that the provision was given by God Himself. And why do we think that just because we can go get our provisions at want, that it still does not come from God Himself? This has meaning to me. This I can give thanks for- to remember, to practice, to never let our children forget- to teach them, to teach ourselves, that all this is from God's hand. From His very hand.
And as of late, I have had another thought. Of prayers unspoken. Of prayers that I never asked for, but needed regardless. Of a God who sees me and knows me, and knows better than I know myself. I see my husband who is a gentle man- a man who loves his children and treasures them, and does not easily anger. A man who frustrates me to no end with his inability to see the urgency in any given situation. But then, where is the urgency? Is that just me. In all this, God has given me a huge gift. A gentle man- father-husband. And, I am thankful. And, this is fruit. Fruit of a thread woven in by God.

lovely words

I love words. I love my friend's blogs. I love when people share. Sharing equals letting someone in. If you never give of yourself, someone will never really know you. I think knowing brings on grace. If you know the depths of someone's heart and circumstance, then you will understand the whys. In that understanding there is grace, for the human heart knows of it's own struggle and can relate to another. Are you sharing of yourself? Thoughts? Why or why not?     

Gratefulness

It is Thankful Thursday. I went on a thankful scavenger hunt. Here are some pics and a few of my thoughts:

 

I am thankful for all of these studies. They have changed my heart from the inside out, and grown my knowledge of a loving God. The times spent in these have grown friendships and faith. 

 

I am thankful from this old, stinky, bedside table/dresser that I acquired from my mother. It holds my new book and an old book. 

 

I am thankful for my morning hot cup of drink. This one is my fave- it is more like a cup and a half, and came from a best friend years ago. 

 

I am thankful for my desk. Here I plan for school. Lately I have been typing my thoughts in this spot also. 

 

I am so genuinely thankful for this little blessing that always greets me with this big smile after his nap. He is my happy little boy, always laughing.  

 

I am thankful for this built in cupboard that holds our homeschooling books. It allows us to do school in the main part of our house and I can keep up with baby, meal preparation, and all mom-duties. 

 

I am thankful for my old dog. He keeps on the look-out while my kids play outside and is calm in his old age. 

 

I am thankful for rubber boots. These boots mean that spring is here and my kids can get out more in the fresh air. 

 

I am thankful for Gem's new bed that is actually my Great-Grandma's old antique bed- complete with my old comforter and a stash of dollies in the corner. 

 

I am thankful for all things boy.... a collection of Lego, bullets, rocks, and cars. This stash on my son's dresser reminds me of childlike wonder and joy in the small stuff. 

Bringing to the Table.

Everything is learned. Everything. And I want to be intentional. So, what does that look like? What do I let influence me? Who do I let teach me, mold me? And what about my children.... who do I let influence them? How do I stay ever changing, ever striving with a heart like King David? I cherish the friends that are like this. The ones that are changing and growing. The ones that know they are flawed, yet know that they are being perfected. Not perfect, but changing. Not stagnant, but stepping forward as much as able. Then, how do I influence those around me the same as I wish to be influenced? Do I let everything fall as it may? Again, am I intentional? Things cannot be undone. Things can be used for good, but cannot be undone.
I read a book awhile ago. I wish I had not. I had to finish it, had to reconcile this disturbing story. I could not undo it and so I read on, hoping for some redeeming factor. There was completion but no redemption. A hopeless story; God was not in it.
God is in my story.... When I am intentional, maybe when I am not. If I am His, and I am, then he plans it all out. Even when I start a Godless tale, he redeems my endings. My middles too. He changes and reconciles all things concerning me. I am thankful that my God is not some magic genie waiting to be appeased, but is personal. He doesn't grant me wishes, but waits until I come to Him and then He starts unfolding plans already written. Good plans. 
Right now, I have become intentional with myself and with my kids. I am being taught and learning firsthand from the Word of God. I am teaching my children from the foundation, and at home. What next? How do I be intentional with who I influence? How do I reach outwardly again now that foundations have been restored? What do I give of myself without tiring? Who do I keep, or let, in my sphere of influence? I think, only those who are willing to move? The ones who are genuine. Everything teaches. Some things taint. I don't want to stain someone of my weaknesses. I don't want theirs either. But, we need each other to see these things. Singularity brings blindness. So, who do I influence that influences me right back? Do they rejoice in evil? Do they tell me the truth? Do I listen to the truth? Can I tell them the truth? I am big on truth.
All these things bring me right back to God and His plan, and the question.... Am I intentional?   
A new heart prayer.... To be wholly intentional.       

blessings or curses

What would it look like to be able to be fully truthful and truly graceful at the same time? A place in life where we could humbly accept correction and truthfully speak a warning of tripping. Where we could strive for purity and nobility and humility. Where we would be put in our place not by human words but by the word of God being lived out, spoken out. Where we wouldn't be offended by being told we are being offensive. Where support would soften our words of drawing people back in. Where we would surround each other as family with protection, but not flattery, not accepting evil in and around. And, where the voice of God would be more important than the thoughts of people. Where we pray blessings instead of cursing. And where blessing and prayer is welcome and known.
I am guilty of criticism. It comes from a frustration of grace being misconstrued. It comes from wanting to draw in family and weed out deception. It is like when my sons are misbehaving and the fighting gets out of control, and they say, "Well, he was doing it first... too.... started it.... deserved it..." Are they allowed.... are they excused from doing right just because their brother enabled them to do so? Not at all. They are obliged to be obedient to the rules that their parent set out. The ones for their safety, for their character development, for them to learn to love each other. They are each responsible for their own choices. But, they are also taught and encouraged to look out for each other. To call each other on the break in rules. To call in authority when it is really important.
So, what would it look like to curb to the Father wholly? Can we really read and live the life-giving, living-and-active, word of God, and then nudge each other on? I am so wanting to be in the mindset of blessings over curses. Of not letting human frustration that I have constantly (and that you have constantly) be an ignitor of misbehavior. Tonight I am praying for understanding, for sifting, for truth to come forward (and not of my doing), and for blessings. For strengths and giftings and God's word to be the ignitor instead of each other's actions. And for a willingness to accept curbing in me and in you. For blinders to be taken off, to fall off. For a reshuffling of family and a enveloping of people that have a oneness. I have some repenting to do too. I have been carried away by a "deserved it" kind of thought. I will be working on blessing instead of cursing. Of letting God work out the details and not taking on the worry of it all. I will say, "God said so," but then I will let God deal. I am not the rule maker, but I can point to and call on the One who is.       
 

reading

I like writing. And I like reading. They go hand in hand, obviously. I love that these things are expressions of self. Of secret places. Things can be said more clearly and deeply when written down or typed out. There is an ability for things to become clear. Of healing to take place. I am reading a new book; "One Thousand Gifts," by Ann Voskamp. We will see where it takes me. It is brilliant and deep so far. I am contemplating what I will learn in the end.
Some of my favorite things are always: an inkling, and retrospect. Stay tuned for the latter....

Refocusing on the little.

I need a super refocus. I need to shed some things. I need to shed all the things that so easily entangle. The things that are okay but keep my mind in a million places when I just need to focus on simple tasks in front of me. I think it is time to stop networking and start having more tea. I just bought some Chai so that's handy. This morning we refocused school too. Why did I begin in the first place? Not just to educate but to train up, teach, admonish, encourage (.... remember self). So, we started reading straight from the bible in the book of Psalms. I am not even worried that the kids may not understand it all. I just want to start conversations and be speaking life. Speech; that is a hard one for me. I am tired and cranky and not always graceful in speech, at least of late. I am frustrated again of things I can not change willingly. It is time to decide what is good and what is best, and strive for that better.
And in all this shedding, and deciding what is best, there are decisions to be made. Prayers to be prayed. What is good to hold on to? What is good to let go of? To simplify in order to go deeper. Less is more.