I knew this was coming.

I think I am coming off of this really bad high. I have learnt the lessons I needed to learn. I have posed the questions I have wanted to settle. The anxiety returns. The sadness returns. Except now there is one more tradgedy on the list. All is still not right in the world and I still can't be the one to fix things. I can't make everything peaceful. There is still tradgedy. I am still blindsided by horribleness. I have still lost the dreams of the way it was supposed to go. I have still lost two children. And now I have lost a friend. I no longer want to be helpful. I just want to sleep. I don't want to be vulnerable anymore. I just want all things to be settled, and peaceful, and hopeful. I just want to take my lessons and run.