One step forward. Two steps back. One step forward. Anxiety attack.

I am so sick at the moment. Not with the flu but with anxiety. I have had so many moments in the last few days where I have felt my normal. I saw light at the end of the tunnel. I was so hopeful that I started to dream that maybe there is a possiblity that in time I could have the fourth child that I have wanted. I took on the world. Now I am so sick. I feel like I wish I could throw up to relieve some of the pressure. Anxiety for me is like someone sitting on your chest...You want to push forward but at the same time you don't want to move in case it hits you down. You can still breathe but not deeply. You can scream...but you can't move. I have felt the encouragement to ignore the heaviness and move. Now I feel manic. Unable to breathe. I am going to go sit in the dark and pray for peace. Tomorrow I am going to get up slowly.