Romans 5:3-5

Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.
I have always loved these scriptures. And they always ring true in every situation. I feel more hope now after our friend's death than I did before. At first I felt shock and fear, because I had just had the conversations about being a good enough mother. I was not living up to my own expectations. I was praying that I would never get to the point where I thought I wasn't enough. Hm...I guess I am not enough, only God is...but that is another conversation. In this beautiful, but sick mother's death I am finding life. Weird. Death brings forth life. I saw what a wonderful mother she was. She did everything for her children and more. Protected, loved, taught. I am sure she was sick to the point that she didn't feel she was enough. At least these are the thoughts of reasoning about the whole situation. She was though. She was so much. I see my own mothering clearly now. I am always working for the good of my kids. I am worrying that they are getting enough vegetables but even if they don't, the point is, I care. I dress them well, I make sure they are warm enough, cool enough when they have a fever, teeth are brushed at least once a day, if not twice. Not only that but I do more...to make sure that they never doubt that they are loved. I make each of them their own scrapbook with pictures of each month for the first year. In addition they have a baby book with their birth stories about how they came into the world and were wanted. I make each of them a homemade quilt with things that they like such as trains, or butterflies that they can hold onto and that can keep them warm. I pray with them before bed and always thank God for them out loud so that they can hear, and then ask for health and protection- that they would grow strong, and healthy, beautiful, and that they would always know God. I hope all things for them. I love them. And I am a good mother. That prayer has been answered. It might sound silly to some but when you are fighting with the feelings of depression and anxiety, thoughts are not always so clear. But truth is truth.