venting

I feel defeated. I am seriously mad. I don't know what or who I am directly angry at but I want to cry I am so mad.
My daughter, who is two, is allergic to milk. I am not sure how allergic but she immediately breaks out into hives if she even touches cheese or the like. One time at a friend's house, she broke out even after we had gone lengths to make sure she had a diary free meal. We figured out that she washed with the same cloth that the boys had wiped their kraft dinner hands on.
I had found this allergy when I gave her her first food. It was rice cereal. Step one pablum. It had skim milk powder in it. Hives from her nose to her chest. We gave her lactose free formula and stuck to the cereals that needed breastmilk or formula added because they lacked dairy. We didn't really worry about breads and such but made sure she has never had raw diary.
She got sick at one and a half and it made it worse. She had a bladder infection and her immune system broke down. She continued to get sick and developed an allergy to sulpha antibiotics. We took her off all milk and put her on soy. I started reading the ingredients on everything, which adds to my stress let me tell you. She got more urinary tract infections and I had to change way of doing things even more. The way she bathed- no more baths, only showers. I even change her diaper every night in order to avoid having a wet diaper too long. Some people don't remember, or don't take seriously enough, her allergy in my opinion. The poor girl has little bumps all over her arms and cheeks. She often has a distended belly. And then she poops a huge diaper full of rancid sandlike poop. I think this is actually what causes her infections. She gets sick. She gets sicker. Reset. I am hoping she grows out of this. I am planning on potty training here soon and I am taking her to a dietitian and then a allergist. She has already seen a urologist but I am trying to avoid any traumatic things. She has already had a blood test. That was traumatic for us both. I am fearing now that she has a UTI again but she doesn't tell me. I think she is use to it. Even her body is use to it and no longer fevers. That is a good thing. Fevers scare me. They are uncontrollable.
This all isn't really so bad if everyone follows the rules. This is the reason I am so mad at the moment. I can't seem to let it go so I am writing it out. Venting and then I'll be done. I don't know if this allergy will be the type that she grows out of or the kind that develops into worse symptoms. I don't want to test theories of different doctors right now. I don't know what will happen if she ingests diary. I am trying to teach her to use her words instead of crying and screaming. For now she wouldn't be able to articulate what is bothering her.
This morning I brought her a little bowl of berries with sugar sprinkled on it, because I knew that there was going to be treats that she couldn't have with butter or milk in them. Everyone who watches the kids (this is at playgroup) knows about her allergy and are pretty good about it. I came out of our mom's study class to find a cheese stick right on top of her container and one beside. My mamma bear started to show. It was a little ugly. I am so frustrated. A kid probably did this or at least I would hope so. How can I ever let go. This is not the first time this has happened. How can I learn to trust people around me, that I know, that care, to ever give me a break of body and of mind, when I have to worry about these kind of issues. If there was any slight chance their children would be harmed wouldn't they take precautions. I do. I care about my kids in every detail. I care enough to let it go so that they aren't afraid. To know that God is in control and she was nowhere near her treat covered in dairy. She was at a different table eating dairy free crackers. Okay, there. I can breathe a little.
Please be careful and thoughtful with my kids folks. I love them beyond what is imaginable and I don't want to turn into a person who puts fear into my children. I don't want them to be sheltered and afraid. I want to let them be free to play, to learn, to grow.
Keiran has started having issues with milk too. My God help me........