The 1st.

I have wanted to write for days. I just don't know how I want to get it out. I feel like I have to create an essay or something. A new year plan.
Holidays are hard. They remind you how sick you are, what issues you still have, how messed up your family members are....
Then there is this lull. A place that is quiet but does not feel peaceful. Where that messed up family, that you love anyways, goes home and everything settles. Then boredom sets in.
I am expectant that this year is going to be a year of change. A different kind of change. I know my God and I am waiting. I will not leave empty handed. At the end of this year, I want to look back and see healing. I want to see a grown ministry. I want to see my family molded into something different. I want to find patience. I want to leave fear at my feet and squash it. I want to live out love.
I watched this three-part video of Kari Jobe preaching about worship and ministry, and a part that sticks out for me still was about a-b-c gum. Do we want the second hand? I don't. I want to seek God first. I want to be part of His ministry. I don't want to have to wait in this boredom for ministries to serve me. I want to walk with God first hand. I don't want to get the traces others leave behind. (I will try and post this sermon- it was good.)
Anyways, days are hard, God is good. I am waiting in expectancy. This year is about breaking down strongholds. It is about making life different. It is about God molding something new. I have so much more to say but here is my New Years post. A glimpse of thoughts stirring. I have pictures in my head of so many things. I can't wait to share as they unfold....