A world of change.

I think I am in. We are in. I am beyond excited these last few days, as a plan (prepared by God I'm sure of this) has formed to homeschool my children. I have never wanted to shelter my children but now I see it differently. I want to guard their little hearts and minds, and not just at home.
School isn't like it was for us. I have formed my opinions of school (and homeschool) on how it was for us as kids. It is no longer that way. The older kids are now given free reign- no consequences. The younger ones are taking the brunt of the discipline in order to try and dissuade them from following the example of the older ones. I think it is all backwards. The ones too little to understand in full are receiving harsh punishments. They aren't allowed to be boys. They aren't allowed to wrestle, to crash blocks and build them back up, and of course toy guns are evil. It isn't a "there's a place and time" issue. They are given no place and no time for how boys naturally play.
I have always known I would disagree with certain sciences and moral beliefs but the amount of other issues being brought up that displease me, has brought me to a place of knowing that I can't let someone else have the job of instructing my kids anymore. I want them to excel and I also want them to be kindhearted people. I like the thought that discipline is a discipling, a teaching, an instructing of ways. I have been guilty of getting away from this lately, but by the grace of God, I will get back to this. I want to encourage my kids in the right ways. I think homeschooling will as well bring back that intimate attention that kids so seek. That my son especially, as he is the one school age right now, will feel confident in knowing mom cares enough to take time with him and cheer him on.
I have had these thoughts of who I would like to have been and how that would not be because of my choices, but I see that as a lie now. I can strive for what I can't see. A year, month, even a week ago, I would not have thought that I could be a homeschool mom. I have quite a few months to prepare and as I look back in retrospect, I see God has been preparing me, even ten years back.
So, this post is a bit of a mess as I am busy today and have been back and forth trying to get this all out, but I conclude that what is coming is good. I am excited beyond words and my husband has given me the go ahead. I can't wait to see what this year brings- and it is only January.

GOD, you have bent my mind. I am overwhelmed. By your mercy. By your goodness. By the fact that you are not equal to anything but above all, and not a little above, beyond measure. Why do I try to understand and process things to my liking when your purpose will prevail? You will plan out things better than I could ever imagine, as you have before. I pray that this continues on in your way and isn't blunted by anything opposing. Prepare my home, my family, my mind, for this will not be an easy task to take on. However, it will be a rewarding one. Full of firstfruits. Full of joy. Mahal na mahal.