In a nutshell.

I woke up this morning the middle of a not so pleasant dream. In the dream my daughter was not cooperating and amidst a diaper change had gotten poop on a wall. She must have been yelling at me in real life. My husband had heard her as I was stuck in my dream. She had peed through her diaper onto her sheets and as I could smell, number two was present also. They had come to me for the changing part. I told my husband how funny it was that I had been dreaming about this. Gemma said, "Oh, mommy bad dream." This launched Garry and I into almost uncontrollable laughter. I changed Gem and got back into bed for awhile. My chest cold was bothering me and I was not willing to start the day yet.
When I got up again. I went downstairs to get some kids clothes from the dryer and heard screaming and crying and the usual. It is hard to tell when you are not there whether or not it is dramatic crying on the girls part or actual beating up from the boys end. A little discipline and hugs...move on. I got the kids dressed and fed them their breakfast, then attempted to get myself ready. Monday is our mom's group and today was followed by a joint birthday party so I had a lot to get ready. First I had to go to the bathroom before I peed my pants.... it seems whenever I am indisposed chaos arises. I could hear slamming against the wall and screaming and crying. Ugh. Deal, and back to the bathroom to brush my teeth. More screaming and crying.....you have got to be kidding me. (Sometimes it takes me two hours just to have a shower with all the running back and forth...I usually let one kid nap, one watch cartoons, and the instigator, I put downstairs on the computer and let him play Treehouse kids games.) So, I left the bathroom again. Here is the point I lose it. Gemma has complained that she has been hit in the head twice now and is half the size of her two years older brother. I will not stand for this behavior. He thinks it's funny and runs back and forth behind the couch. In an effort to not make this a game of tag, I start to raise my voice. Not working. "But I don't want to go to my room mom" We have two rules in our house: One being no disobeying mom and dad, aka listen, and two being that we are not mean to our brothers and sisters. He has violated both. I hate this part of parenting. He is banished to his room until my shower is done. Meanwhile the baby starts to cry and falls asleep outside the bathroom door while I shower. This is not usual but I needed him to sleep while at playgroup. Needless to say...I was late, which I hate.
At mom's group we are studying the book of Esther. I love it. Beth Moore has an amazing way of speaking. I am getting something out of every word. And I mean every literally- not the usual, a little from the study, a little from the discussion- every word. This has come at the perfect time of life. I am encouraged and reminded that life is going somewhere. After the birthday I struggle to get the kids bundled and to the van but  it is a little price to pay to get out and get some mom time.
When we get to the van I remember that I have a package to drop off for our friends. I have been thinking about them so often and praying when I do. I can't imagine how hard it is for them right now. Aiden and I have been baking this last month and putting away a little at a time in a box for them. It has been time for us and teaches him to think of others. We are both enjoying it while the other two kids nap. Anyways, our box was full. They weren't home but like happens in a small town, their door was unlocked. I slipped the box in and was hit with the aroma that I knew so well. That alone almost brought on a nervous breakdown. This pleasant smell was almost overbearing last year at this time when I was pregnant and my sense of smell was sensitive. But now is distinctive and comforting. The smell of a mother. Candles and oil to keep the house uplifting. I had thought about this, I had smelled it once randomly, or maybe just remembered it, and wondered if their house would smell the same now that she is gone. I thought it wouldn't but it did. A reminded that this house is still full of Sheri. That she isn't gone but just removed. That her girls will remember all that she has taught and her family will know how much she loves them still. That they will see her again. Life is short. Eternity is unending. I had thought that there was time to reconnect but there wasn't. I can still feel her hug. I can still see her eyes...although tired the last time I talked to her. It is a reminder. All of it.
And now I am sitting, typing, napping two kids. The other one is calm....ish. I feel like I am standing near an ocean today. I am on the beach and the waves are hitting me but I am still on the ground. Usually a large, almost drowning wave rolls in at four o'clock but by then we'll be out practicing a Christmas play.....