I can't stop talking. I can't stop trying to help. I can't stop analysing. I can't stop processing. I can't stop second guessing. I am exhausted.
I fell asleep by accident this morning. I was going to wake up Garry and see if we were going to go Christmas shopping. We haven't done any yet. I fell asleep instead.
When I was younger. All my life. Until I was twenty....or somewhere around there. I didn't talk much. I was quiet. I held back. I watched everyone. I was the one unmemorable one (or that's how I see it). I knew so much about so many because I watched. Only in safe places did I talk.
Now I can't stop talking. It's like I have to make up for the last thirty years and get it all out. All the details. Expose the accidental lies and find all the truth...and the truths that lie within those lessons. I try to stop. Try to leave it alone for awhile. Maybe I don't want to go back there. But again, I need balance. I don't want to accidentally say to much or interfere. I don't want to make things about me. Push my healing out into the open and run over everyone in the way. I want to clasp hands with the ones who are on the same path of healing and walk strengthened and quiet. My mind and my soul just need some quiet.
I understand this. I was a watcher (and still am) for a lot of my life. That's not to say that I was all that quiet, but people ignored me a good deal of the time anyway.
ReplyDeleteYou're not running me over - our hands are clasped. I am glad there is someone who can understand a little of what I'm going through instead of giving me a blank stare or questioning everything I feel. I'm thankful for you.