I took the control away. I felt no fear. I was over it. I was open. I went back, so that I could move forward. I had a revelational thoughts.....that everything I went through in the second part of my life, were mirror images of the things that happened the first half, the things I couldn't speak about or didn't understand.
I have lived by the motto that suffering brings perseverance, perseverance character, and character hope. I was thankful for the lesson and knew without a doubt that God could use unfortunate circumstances for good use. I now have the thought that God even 'lets' things bad happen, not just uses those things. I have felt that I was forced, or at least had no control over situations. Where no matter how much I tried to leave, I was still back in the same place. That place being Fort St.John. I think God put me there and said- no you have to go through this time. Yes, I made bad choices but those were incremental in forcing me to come out of myself. Not all my time in Fort St.John, being ten years on and off, was bad but it was a place I never felt settled. Never felt connected in full. I was just there for a time.
And no one can tell me that God won't let bad things happen for good purpose. I have read about Tamar, Hadassah, or even Job....or the man that God told to marry a prostitute and no matter how she left, bring her back home...who was that again? Anyways...I don't think that those were unfortunate situations but bad fortunate situations (if you catch my drift).
Last night I even talked to a friend about three circumstances that I am pondering right now. I didn't even feel dumb when she left. Usually I have regret about sharing too much of myself but it was different. I was taking the secret power of fear away. And she understood. Of course. There is no such thing as coincidence.
I'm very glad that you were here - there is no coincidence and I believe that one reason you were still here in 2007 was so that we could meet. I value your friendship so much, even from afar.
ReplyDeleteAnd fear does have a secret power - and lots of it. It's quietly waiting there most of the time, waiting to rear its ugly head. I am on that path - trying to shut it down. Two steps forward, one step back.
And the prophet was Hosea. That book is a beautiful picture of God's love for us.
Oh yes Hosea:)
ReplyDeleteThe last year in Fort St.John was actually good. I could have stayed but I was hopeful that our family dynamic would change with the move. I was so glad and grateful for Mondays at Dianes and our womans group. It seems those have fallen apart and I would have fallen apart not having those things in my life if I would have stayed. I waited years, and I mean literally years, for those kind of connections. It is weird that I feel even closer with alot of my friends now that I am here. Good thing for technology:) No coincidence. None. I am very grateful for you too. The friends that spur you on to greater understanding and fullfilling your destiny are friends indeed!